This banner ad is lots of fun. You can type in anything you want the girl to say and she'll say it!
(Written around 2005) Today you will learn why you can't put fresh pineapple in Jell-O but you can put canned pineapple in Jell-O. And then you will learn how to grow your own pineapple from the top of a store-bought pineapple plant.
First, the Jell-O warning. On every box of Jell-O it now says "Do not use fresh or frozen pineapple, kiwi, gingerroot, papaya, figs, or guava. Gelatin will not set." It used to be just pineapple, but we 'muricans have become more sophisticated eaters. We still eat Jell-O, but we would consider putting kiwi fruit in it. I guess that is progress.
Mother told me it wouldn't set if you used fresh pineapple, and I believed her and never even asked why until today. Today I cracked open a nice fresh pineapple ($1 at the 17th Street Market in Tucson--organic!) and immediately wondered why fresh pineapple didn't work but canned DID work. Probably I wondered because now there's the internet and every single question can be answered with the click of a mouse. Oh, almost. Search engines have a terrible time with "Why was man born just to suffer and die?" Strangely enough, if you enter this question in quotation marks in Google, you get only two pages and they are both mine. Yeah, I get off on that--so what?
The question wasn't original. It was what The Space Wanderer asked all the beings that he met in Venus on the Half-Shell by Kilgore Trout (really Philip Jose Farmer even though lots of people think it was written by Kurt Vonnegut). WARNING SPOILER WARNING--I'M GOING TO TELL THE ENDING: OK. So The Space Wanderer finally reaches the diety of all dieties and it is Bingo, the giant cockroach. At least
this is how I remember the story. And TSW asks Bingo, with great trepidation, "Why was man born just to suffer and die?" and Bingo says, "Why not?" And that ending, one I first thought to be very unsatisfactory indeed, has stuck with me and made me who I am today. At least the fatalistic me: the part that is positive that Karma notwithstanding, there is a charming randomness to life. You are not in control of anything that really matters--all we humans can do is skew the odds a bit. Get over it.
Back to the Pineapple Puzzle. I got the following from this site:
Now you need to know how to grow your own (site from which this was taken has vanished so there is no attribution).
Unlike "why was man born just to suffer and die," some things are nice and simple.
Saints celebrating feast days today include Saint Polycarp, Saint Serenus the Gardener or Cerneuf of Billom, Saint Alexander Akimetes, Saint Peter Damian, Saint Dositheus, Saint Boisil or Boswell, Saint Milburga and Mildgytha, and Saint Willigis.
Famous birthdays today include Peter Fonda (1939, NYC).