Goatview Farm - The Saint Report www.goatview.com

January 20
The Top Secret Animal Attack Files

"Christmas was something less than merry for Lloyd Crider. He fell into his pigpen
and was devoured by the hogs."
--From a tattered clipping cut out of the Toledo edition of the Portland Oregonian in the late 1930's and read with great enjoyment annually by my father. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

I did a Google search for the string "kicked in the head by an ostrich."

I recalled hearing a radio interview while driving that was so funny I had to pull off the road. (This happened again years later when I heard someone on NPR interview the scientist who won an IgNobel after writing a paper on the results of putting cat ear mites into his own ears. That story probably deserves its very own Saint Report one of these days.) The interviewer had called a Texas man who had just awakened from a coma after having been--you guessed it--kicked in the head by an ostrich. The interview ended with the D.J. thanking the obviously-still-addled ostrich wrangler and the wrangler responding that he appreciated having had the chance to perhaps save someone else from the same fate. Yeah, right.*



Anyway, I am still looking for that old ostrich story but in the meantime, I have found The Top Secret Animal Attack Files, "compiled by Igor Eximel, who is not insane." Obsessed, perhaps, but "not insane."

Among the scores of jewels gathered by Igor, you will find the story of a man in Ohio who had the same sort of Christmas as Lloyd Crider (sadly, I can't find this story anymore), an Albuquerque jaguar with an interesting history, a moose that has probably given an Alaskan kid his only fifteen minutes of fame, and many other tales.

Igor did have a link to an ostrich story, but it wasn't actually funny. A woman who raised ostriches in Winlock, Washington (home of the giant egg), arrived home after a weekend vacation to find her father dead in her male ostrich's pen. While she found this distressing, she was not planning on getting rid of the ostrich, explaining that ostriches are valuable and "this year my business has just boomed." Well, maybe it was funny. Sort of like Lloyd Crider.

*For some reason, this reminds me of a statistic that went something like this: "you are more likely to be killed by a bear in Alaska than you are to be run over by a cab in New York." It seems like a whole lot of important stuff has been left out of this. Is it true for someone who was born in New York and is more likely to wake up some morning in Ankara than in Anchorage? Where in Alaska? What time of year? What kind of bear?



Saints o' the Day include, but are not limited to, Saint Sebastian (patron saint of archers, athletes, and soldiers; invoked for protection from the plague), Saint Fabian, Saint Euthymius the Great, and Saint Fechin.

Today is David Lynch's birthday! Did you know he was born in Missoula, Montana (1946)? That just seems so wrong.

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Marilyn Jones 2000-2008